A Study in Contrasts

I spent last weekend backpacking in Escalante with a group of friends. It was beautiful and tiring and dirty...SO dirty. There was a lot of wind one day, and it whipped the fine, dirty sand into our tents and sleeping bags and fingernails and toothbrushes and food. We hiked out and drove back on Sunday, got home quite late, and I was up first thing the next morning to drive to Midway for a conference at the Zermatt, which is a fairly swish hotel.

In Escalante we bathed in the river, and dried ourselves in the sun. At the zermatt, there were appropriately fluffy towels, a bathroom considerably bigger than my own, and the gym shower made me want to cry I wanted one of my own so badly. It had 13 jets, sides, back, overhead....it was a thing of beauty.

In Escalante, we cooked over propane stoves and tried to avoid getting sand into our meals. We had pasta and Indian food out of packets, and oatmeal and hot chocolate, and semi-melted string cheese, and lots of dried fruit. At the Zermatt, I ordered room service, and ate delicious pastries, and didn’t have to filter my own water once.

In Escalante, I hiked through streams with 37lbs of backpack, did yoga in the morning in the sand, saluting the sun in the outdoors, and I have a scratch on my bottom from using the woods as my bathroom. At the Zermatt, I worked out on the elliptical machine overlooking pools and mountains, while Dancing with the Stars played on the TV, and then melted my muscles in the steam room and sauna.

In Escalante I got to spend several days and evenings with wonderful women, and slept in a (sandy) tent with a good friend. At the Zermatt, I got to network with some great colleagues, and spent most of the evenings relaxing alone until I fell asleep in my king-size pillow-top bed.

And I want to be clear--the moral of this story is NOT that luxury hotels are overrated and I would much rather rough it all my life in the outdoors, in case that’s where you thought I was heading with this.

(Although I have to say, NOTHING tastes better than a meal in the outdoors after a long day hiking, and the Zermatt room service was a bit rubbish, to be honest.)

The experiences were both wonderful, and there are things I can take or leave about both. I prefer waking up in a soft bed to waking up on a sleeping pad, even if the pad is on sand. I definitely prefer waking up without sand in my bed. However, I prefer waking up to the sound of birdsong and the sun coming into the tent to the sound of air conditioning, an alarm buzzer, and a stuffy head. And being alone is wonderful, but the company of good friends can’t be beat.

I just love the life of variety. That pillow-top felt all the more soft and...pillowy after a few nights on the desert floor. And we all know how good it feels to take a shower when you’re really, really dirty. I like some chiaroscuro in my life. I guess it’s that whole principle of being able to appreciate good things after going through hardships to get there. I hope to learn more life lessons in the lap of luxury very soon.

100 Random Thoughts..

...typed as they come.


1. So I’m going to do the 100 thoughts thing again.
2. It was pretty popular last time, and Jessica did it again and reminded me.
3. She’s really witty.
4. I’m worried that I only HAVE 100 thoughts total, so won’t have much to write.
5. And it might be like trying to remake...hm.
6. Can’t think of famous movie with bad remake.
7. See, have lost mojo already.
8. Oceans 11!
9. No, what am I thinking, I really liked that film. Hello, George Clooney. And good day to you, Matthew Damon.
10. The Italian Job. Not a patch on the Michael Caine version.
11. There you go.
12. People were saying Obama had lost his mojo too, and now look.
13. Health reform=Change, suckas!
14. That wasn’t very gracious of me now, was it?
15. But I do think that a few years from now most people will wonder what all the fuss was about.
16. So now health reform has passed, what would be next on the list of my personal priorities for change in the US?
17. Besides, you know, ending poverty.
18. And war.
19. And...actually, I think it would be plug sockets.
20. Mind did a little spark just now when I plugged in my laptop.
21. I hate it when it does that. Scares me to death. I want switches, like on the British ones.
22. And then America would be perfect.
23. Well, I could probably think of a few more things--ending strip malls, etc.
24. But I’d be digging.
25. Enough with politics!
26. Hmm.
27. “Give a man...ten thousand...”
28. That’s a song we’re learning in Citrine.
29. “Give a man...ten thousand...words.”
30. It ain’t easy.
31. And the general opinion seems to be that it sounds like cats being tortured.
32. But I rather like it.
33. Though I’m not sure that I believe the thesis, which is that if you give a man the said ten thousand words, he will write you a love song. You could give some of the men I know the Oxford English Dictionary, Encyclopaedia Britannica, and the collected words of Shakespeare, and you wouldn’t get a Valentine’s Day card out of them.
34. I actually like all the songs we’re singing. Fun rhythms and melodies.
35. Rhythms is a hard word to spell.
36. And I’m an excellent speller.
37. Which is kind of a useless gift in the era of spell check.
38. I find quite a few of my gifts are wasted on my current era.
39. Like having really white skin.
40. It would have been highly valued back in the 19th Century.
41. Now it’s just a risk factor for skin cancer.
42. And being able to embroider.
43. And...well, maybe that’s it. Oh, I like to read aloud. Not that I have a gift for it, but they didn’t have TV back then, so I bet people got sick of reading aloud.
44. Course, I don’t have a TV now.
45. Not yet. Maybe soon. It's my current dilemma. Everything I want to watch is online anyway.
46. It’s just if I want to watch something with someone else.
47. Which happens, what, once a year.
48. And my current, pretty much inoperable, TV doesn’t look pretty.
49. Which, let’s be honest, is probably a more pertinent factor in my desire for a new one.
50. Ooh, halfway there.
51. I brimmeth o’er with thought, apparently.
52. “oooooooh,,,,ah.” (More “Love Song”)
53. I’m up late again. Bad habit.
54. I heard that Margaret Thatcher only needed about 4 hours of sleep per night or something insane.
55. I wish I could get away with that little sleep. Except I LIKE to sleep and relax.
56. But things have been so busy lately, that I could use the extra time. And it wouldn’t kill me to make it into work on time once this month.
57. And then the silly people messing up my order at [business name redacted] means I’ll be running errands tomorrow in any spare seconds I have.
58. I posted something on Facebook to do with that, about wanting to write a scathing letter, and I think people overestimated my rage level.
59. Wasn’t planning on going postal, just a little indignant.
60. I think Facebook, although a time suck, is actually a positive thing socially.
61. Apart from people feeling left out if they know they’re not invited to parties and all that.
62. And the occasional person writing indiscreet or passive aggressive things on their walls.
63. But I actually have been in meaningful contact with some people I really like and probably wouldn’t have had meaningful contact with otherwise.
64. And really, even if it’s just a frivolous time suck, it’s a fun one.
65. Sleeeeeeepy.
66. Maybe I don’t have as many thoughts as I thought.
67. I can’t wait for vacation.
68. And hanging out with my peeps.
69. And ordering myself new shoes for my birthday.
70. This selfish buying-stuff-for-one’s-own-birthday thing probably contributes to the decline of Western civilization.
71. But at least I’ll be well shod when picking through the rubble!
72. So it’s been over a week since I spent most of my Saturday in purchasing and installing a new light fitting, and I still don’t like it.
73. So I think I’m going to forget searching online for something special and get something simple and cheap from Ikea.
74. And count this one as a $70 Learning Experience.
75. I must say I’m pretty proud of myself for installing the dratted thing.
76. Because it baint be easy, and don’t you be fergitting it.
77. (Not sure why the random lapse into country dialect. Lateness.)
78. Actually, installing the dratted thing twice, because I did it wrong the first time.
79. And so I do actually feel pretty confident about doing it again, which is good.
80. Except if I get overconfident and forget to turn the breaker off, which would be bad.
81. Very bad. Mustn’t forget.
82. “No I mustn’t forget. To say a great big thank you, I mustn’t forget.”
83. Random song flashback from Junior School assemblies.
84. They used to make us sing hokey Christian folk/pop. (It was a Church of England school).
85. I don’t think it made anyone any more religious, but some were quite fun.
86. I remember being alone in the house with my brother when he was doing some electrical stuff for my aunt, and he shocked himself. Scariest moment ever when I heard him yell.
87. (He was totally fine. Luckily.)
88. “Autumn days when the grass is jewelled, and the silk inside a chestnut shell!”
89. THAT’S how that song began. It was one of my faves.
90. Ah, Autumn. Actually, Ah, Spring.
91. It has been fantastic to have some sun and longer evenings, despite some minor complaining I might have done about getting up an hour early.
92. And I went on a bike ride today after work.
93. With my helmet.
94. You’d think I’d be mature enough not to be embarrassed about wearing a helmet on a bike, but I’m afraid I’m not. I think they look dumb, and I don’t like wearing one.
95. But am safety conscious so I do anyway!
96. I’m really glad Spring is here. The new year ought really to begin in the spring, it would be a lot easier to get into the mindset of new beginnings.
97. I wonder what this year will bring. Hopefully less crap than last year.
98. No, last year had a lot of good stuff too. Be positive, Lena.
99. Bring on 2010! I’m belatedly excited about it.
100. And now I have to sleep on that.

Be Careful Out There

So, I’m in the temple, and a guy I don’t really know brings a young man up to me, and says, “this young man is going on a mission to London--you’ll have to give him some tips!’

My first thought is “Oh my poor child, they will eat you alive,” just because I think London would be a TOUGH mission. But I couldn’t say that, and unfortunately my actual response wasn’t more helpful: “Tips? Well, I don’t suppose giving you a list of the best nightclubs is such a good idea, ha ha.” (must...not...make...flippant remarks...to baby missionaries...in the temple).

So then the guy sort of gave me prompts, like “I hear the Indian food in London is amazing,” and I’d say “yes, definitely, eat Indian food. Yummy.” But the trouble is, I'm a) in the temple and not really in tourist information centre mode, and b) I’m a bit vague on what missionaries are allowed and are not allowed to do, other than be alone with women (I remember in Italy one of the missionaries teaching Sunday school walked out of the room for a minute and the other one got all panicky--I thought for a second he must be really shy, and then realised...).

So of course all the things that come to mind involve pubs (can they go in pubs? Americans sometimes get confused about what pubs are. I remember later they CAN go in pubs), or musical theatre (can they go to the theatre?), or visiting other spots in Britain (can they travel?) and wanting to warn him about going out late at night in Soho, or the East End, or...(or actually anywhere, as he looks about my niece’s age), or remind him not to read the Sun. It is only afterwards that I remember nice safe, touristy and interesting things like the Tower of London and the British Museum, and the National Gallery (except they have nudes--can they look upon nudes? Actually, if they can’t they’re out of luck because they're bound to run into a starkers statue at some point).

I am so full of admiration for these young men and women who have the guts to give up their time and youthful frivolities to go wherever they’re sent to share their faith, believing that faith is something pretty exciting and important that other people might want to hear about. Especially when you know they are highly likely to be mocked or disrespected or door-slammed in the process.

I hope my people are nice to him. I hope someone out there is looking for what he has to share. I hope he finds his own way to the British Museum.

Banff

My friend Liz and I have gone for the last several years to the Banff film festival together. We decided tonight that the theme of Banff is “Watch more television.” For the last three years, the main features have been about:
A woman who got paralysed.
A couple who failed to cross the north pole and nearly died.
A man who kayaked across the Tasmanian sea and died.

So on the face of it, it doesn’t exactly seem to be about the joys of the outdoors. And yet we still left talking about our plans for adventure. Just not kayaking.

The kayaking story was fascinating. You start out not knowing the outcome, but it becomes gradually clear that this story is not going to end happily. The friends and family members of Andy, the kayaker, talk a lot about how some people need more stimulation to get that natural rush that some of us feel when we look at our credit card bill. It’s hard for me to understand taking such huge risks with your life, for something that seems (quite honestly) relatively unimportant, especially when you have a wife and child, as he did (not that I don't value the single and childless, but, you know). However, as one of his team said, the world has been led by explorers and adventurers. And we all take risks every day--how we calculate, perceive, and need those risks is very personal and varies hugely.

Another, lighter, film featured noboarding, which looked very cool. Like snowboarding without the bindings. As the idea of my feet being locked into position by the bindings is what’s always put me off snowboarding, this sounded like an excellent idea for about two minutes. Then I remembered the last time I tried skateboarding.

It was at an ad shoot, and my friend and colleague, Brian, had just got a longboard and brought it to the shoot. While the crew was setting up between shots, he let me play on it. I think I rolled about four feet, hanging on to him, and I still fell off. Mark came out and shook his head, “If you get her hurt, Brian...” (This was back when I was the client and they cared about my well-being). So no, noboarding probably not the sport for me.

Rockclimbing is much more appealing to me, because you can do it in nice weather, and (the way I like to do it) you have a rope attached to you, which gives me great psychological comfort as well as genuinely increased safety. One of my favourite films showed Paul, a man recovering from an accident that had left him unable to walk for a while, climbing “The Rainbow” in Tasmania (I think) with his friend. He had the use of one arm, and imperfect use of his legs, and as his friend pointed out, things that would be quite easy for many people were a bit epic for him. He made it to the top, and they sat there in the sun, looking out over the spectacular view. His friend asked him if he longed for his old body back, and he said no, this was who he was now.

“Some people say they’d rather be dead than in a wheelchair,” he said, matter-of-factly. “It’s...it’s not true.”

Soul Mates

Once in a while I like to see how people found my blog through the interwebs.

Here are some of my favourite keyword searches that led like-minded thinkers here:

Fungal jokes
Fungal jokes
Friendliest people in the world
Travelssex [that was one disappointed googler]
Big spozzo
Leprosy and fungus
Last man on earth funny

From which I deduce that if you are lonely and infested with skin disease (or possibly thirsty in Italy), my blog is the place to be!

I must say that I am disappointed that Colin Firth Colin Firth Colin Firth was nowhere to be found in the search list. I'm going to work on remedying that. Colin Firth. In the mean time, I'll take pride in my status as the web's #1 source for fungus/fungal jokes!

Did you hear the one about the guy walking into a bar with fungus?

Me neither, but I'm pretty sure the punchline would involve a pun on the word "mushroom." I'll get back to you if I think of one.

World's 100 Wonders

I copied this from Cindy, who copied it from someone else...


Pyramids of Egypt, Chichen Itza, Pompeii, Mont St Michel, Great Wall of China, Petra, Kashmir Valley, Topkapi Palace, Taj Mahal, Nile River Cruise, Prague Old Town, Carnival in Rio, Serengeti Migration, Easter Island, Golden Temple, Stonehenge, Galapagos Islands, Cappadocia, Amalfi Drive, Angel Falls (does the one in Provo count? No?), Grand Canyon, Colosseum of Rome, Meenakshi, Yellowstone NP, Machu Picchu, Fjords of Norway, Chartres Cathedral, Santorini, Antarctica Cruise, St Peter’s Basilica, Mezquita Cordoba, Matterhorn (does the one at Disneyland count? No?), Iguazu Falls, Egyptian Museum, Damascus Old City, New York Skyline, Bali, Borobudur, Dubrovnik, Marrakesh, Amazon Rain Forest, Valley of the Kings, Uffizi Gallery, Eiffel Tower, Ngorongoro Crater, Hong Kong, Rio Panoramic View, Ladakh, Great Barrier Reef, Sistine Chapel, Golden Pavilion, Niagara Falls, Angkor Wat, Burj Khalifa, Delphi, British Museum, Victoria Falls, Alhambra, St. Basils Cathedral, Burj al Arab, Forbidden City, Louvre Museum, Abu Simbel, Yangtze Riv. Cruise, Bagan, Canals of Venice, St Mark’s Basilica, Yosemite NP, Karnak, Versailles, Florence Cityscape, Ayers Rock, Teotihuacan, Carlsbad Caverns, Kremlin, Hermitage Museum, Banaue Rice Terr., Mecca, Varanasi/Ganges, Chambord Chateau, Bora Bora, Kathmandu Valley, Li River Cruise, Lijiang/Shangri La, Acropolis, Metropolitan Mus, Shwedagon Stupa, Neuschwanstein, Potala Palace, Mt Everest, Sahara Desert, Banff NP, Jerusalem Old City, Temple Em. Buddha, Leaning Tower Pisa, San Francisco, TerraCotta Warriors, Hagia Sofia, Baalbek, Portofino

Clearly I've got to get out more.

Where have you been?

Whale Watching

Last weekend a few friends and I took a trip to Oregon to celebrate Lisa’s birthday. We rented a beach house, cooked together, walked on the beach, read, hot tubbed, and drank hot chocolate. It rained most of the weekend, and it was all very lovely and cosy.

On Saturday, however, the weather was relatively fine, and we had the bright idea of going whale watching. We chartered a boat, and headed out to sea.




Don’t we look cheerful? I wish there were “after” pictures.

The captain reminded us that if we were sick, to make sure the wind wasn’t in our faces, and that we’d be more likely to get sick up top than down on deck. I never get seasick, so neither warning really applied to me.

After about an hour, I came downstairs to see a couple of my shipmates looking a bit queasy. The sea was pretty rough. I was feeling a little uneasy myself, but then I had a cold. I never get seasick, so that couldn’t be it. The sea was pretty rough, though.

A few minutes later, I saw Lisa reach for a plastic bin--her back was to me, but there’s only one reason you stick your head over a plastic bin, heave your shoulders, and then reach for tissues. About a minute after that, I leaned over the side of the boat, wind away from my face, held my hair back, and broke my record for never being seasick.

Just to seal the deal, I threw up a few more times after that. Rather stupidly, none of use were wearing life jackets, and you know how weak you feel after getting sick. I was clinging on for dear life with one hand on the rail, leaning far out as the boat threw itself up and down and back and forth, the other still holding back my hair (upon reflection, it would probably have been a more sensible priority to have had two hands saving me from drowning). Catherine very kindly came over to make sure I didn’t go overboard.

We were all ill except Ann, who eventually told the captain to turn around and head home. We finally made it back to port, and there was some messing around with ropes, while Catherine murmured, “get me off this damn boat.” I was about ready to jump over the edge and swim for it. Lisa said, “Well, that was a completely miserable experience.” “Happy Birthday,” I said.

We wobbled back to the car, and Lisa and I begged the others not to drive anywhere until we felt a little more steady. We were pretty drenched by then, and cold, and the dry ones piled clothes and hats on me. I get cold pretty easily, so was shaking rather a lot, and being on the pale side to begin with, I’m told I look rather dramatically white when I get sick, so I gather I looked a bit pathetic. I remember trying to reassure them that I was ok and I didn’t have hypothermia, but as my lips were numb and I was under the strong impression that if I opened my eyes I’d throw up again, I think I was a little unconvincing. Eventually we drove home with no sudden turns, and with the heater going full blast, and I was soon in the bliss of the hot tub.

It was about 24 hours before we could mention water without Lisa experiencing waves of nausea, and before we all had our land legs again. But as Catherine said, it’s a birthday we’ll all remember, and makes for a good story.

Oh, we saw some whales, too. I so didn’t care at the time, but upon reflection, it was actually pretty cool.




The group.



Watching a lightning storm over the sea.



Sunny morning, our last day.



All of us.