Me Mam

I think I heard this in a movie: “Everyone loves their mother. Even people who hate their mothers love their mother.” Fortunately, I love my mother without the hate, but the statement does illustrate how hard it is to write about your mother without sounding like everyone else who writes about their mother.

However:

People love my mum. She used to have a flower shop, and people would come in and tell her their life stories all day long. When I was in my teens, sometimes my friends would spend more time on the phone with her than with me, telling her about their boyfriend issues.

She is a really dreadful liar.

She taught me to read. It’s been useful.

She taught me not to care a lot about what other people think of me.

I was going to say that she taught me that I could do anything I wanted to, but I feel like she didn’t teach me that. She just believed it, so I believed it too.

She can’t wink one eye at a time. She just sort of squints.

She taught me that you have to learn to say no when you are overwhelmed, because other people aren’t going to say no for you.

I weighed over 10 lbs when I was born (no epidural), and my mum is 5’4” (well, more like 5’3” but she lies (see second item above)) and used to have a 23” waist. Thanks, mum!

She can make anything. Not just knit sweaters. She used to buy the wool, spin it on her wheel, and THEN knit the sweaters. I’m surprised she didn’t shear the sheep.

Also, I swear we ate kind of ordinary food growing up (no complaints, it just wasn’t haute cuisine) but if ever I’m making anything special, I know that I can call her up and she’ll give me three ways to do it and some tips on garnishes. I don’t know who got to eat her salmon en croute and oeufs a la neige, but I’m glad she knows.

She taught me that when a guy invites you to his apartment to get his coat, he doesn’t ALWAYS want to get his coat. Yes, I know sometimes the guy is just cold. I’m just saying. It was a good thing for a naïve girl to learn.

She taught me to chew with my mouth closed. And which fork to use.

It’s not just that she loves me. My mum thinks I am WONDERFUL. I mean, really outstandingly terrifically great. She thinks I’m much better than all of you. It’s ok. Your mums think you’re much better than me.