I went to the dentist (three more weeks of free dental ins!) today, and got a "fluoride treatment." I will have to google this and find out if it's of any use. I suspect it's like those "engine treatments" the guys at Jiffy Lube are always offering me, which bump up my simple oil change to the price of a porsche payment whenever I'm weak enough to accept them. Probably no more useful than fluoridated toothpaste. To the car or my teeth.
Well, as the hygienist was finishing up, she told me I could eat and drink that morning, but "avoid anything sticky, like caramels, or scratchy, like burritos." Now, I can think of many things that are scratchy foodstuffs, like shredded wheat, or fortune cookies, or the top of creme brulee, or those things that claim to be "Hawaiian haystacks," to which I was introduced in America, and I will give a million pounds* to anyone who has actually eaten one in Hawaii, because I DON'T THINK SO.
But a burrito? A yummy, refried bean-filled, salsa-edged, cheesy, pillowy burrito? I would use a burrito to polish my shoes. They are not scratchy. Just think, she probably says that to dozens of people every day. Do you think any of them question her out loud? I didn't. But I did have a crunchy eggroll for lunch.
*You know when you're little and betting people "a million pounds" about something or other? Did American kids just bet a million dollars and feel slightly less confident about their bet, or did they bet "one point five million dollars" or whatever the exchange rate was? And how would they know the current exchange rate when we didn't have the internets back then? It must have been hard growing up in America. You guys didn't even have this...
Friday 4 April 2008
Scratchy Like a Burrito
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Y'see, back when I was a kid growing up in America, burritos WERE scratchy. Full of refried thumbtacks. We built this nation up to its present gooey-burritoed utopia, then you Brits invade and insult our dental hygenists??? The NERVE.
It *was* hard growing up in America. No Bagpuss. No spotted dick. It was even worse than this.
Glad you are using the dental insurance. I haven't had any for a while and I'm scared for when I finally go see the dentist.
And yes, we just bet 1 million dollars. I have a friend who still owes me said amount. What's it worth with interest?
You. Are. Hilarious.
Lena, scratchy burritos are no laughing matter. This is a serious health concern, and I for one, don't appreciate the tone you took in this blog. I guess leaving the Bureau of Health Promotion is in more than name only...
I'll have you know that I am still recovering from a burrito injury that happened just last week. Like you, I mocked a wise hygenist who warned me of the danger, but I didn't listen, I thought I "knew better". I laughed as I picked up a burrito on the way home from the dentist's, scorning that "silly" hygenist. And, two bites into it, BAM! There was blood everywhere-- a crispy bit of tortilla had sliced open an artery.
I was rushed to the hospital, but infection set in. I'm on my second round of antibiotics now, but the doctors still aren't sure if they'll be able to save my tongue...
I didn't listen, but there is still hope for others. So the next time you think about mocking someone's helpful health advice, learn from my experience, and just say no to burritos...
You guys are great. I think my next blog topic will be "shrubs: discuss" and I'll just see what you come up with. Too funny.
Marie, THANK YOU for that link. And Ansley, I think that must be up to a bafazillion by now.
But we DID have this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cxLfIs051c&feature=related complete with creepy mannequins...actually now that I think about this...it's from nickelodean which means it's canadian so nope. no. we didn't have anything cool.
I always bet a million-bajillion dollars. They totally don't have that in England.
Oh my gosh Lena, your blog is hilarious! Sad I missed the Jetty trip. I have a satellite photo of it on my screensaver. I never knew my "bet you a million dollars" was a jip. Now I see why nobody ever took the bet.
Post a Comment